I had a horrible nightmare the other night. It woke me up early, and usually when I’m up before dawn, I take advantage of that time to do the things that I can’t get done during the hours my children are awake – work, homework, cleaning, throwing out broken toys, organizing their lesson plans and artwork (and also just enjoying silence!). But that dream stayed with me, and I found myself not wanting to do the little things that usually bring me serenity and peace. All I wanted was to be with my children. So I went into their room and cuddled with them while they slept, and whispered in their ears how much I loved them and counted my blessings that my children were safe and healthy.
When morning came and they awoke, the mood stayed. Rather than jumping out of bed and starting their day, instead they both snuggled up next to me, and we all spent time just lounging around. This isn’t unique in and of itself – what was different today was the undivided attention I gave to them. I wasn’t checking my phone or trying to get in some reading, or looking at the huge mess to clean up from the night before, or wondering what I’d make them for breakfast. No, instead my attention was with them right then and there.
It felt so good to forget about everything else and just be with my children, these two little beings whom I love so much. It reminded me just how scattered my attention is during the day, and how little of it is focused on just enjoying their company.
You know what you smell like, Mommy?
Hearts and love!
I have so many other mama friends right now who are going through struggling times with their children. I know it’s a natural part of life, to grow and search to find the right level of independence, and I’m hoping I’ll be able to face that with grace and strength when it comes. But in the meantime, I want to fully enjoy these young years when children just radiate with love and openness.
Not to mention that I am keenly aware of all the suffering and loss that goes on each day, whether through illness or natural disaster or tragic accidents. Our lives, and the lives of our children are so precious indeed…
My heart today is full of gratitude. I am trying to consciously change my priorities, to remember that these years go by so quickly, and that it’s not important if the dishes are done or not; or if the library books get returned unread yet again. What is important is to just be there with my children.
And what better reason do I need to let the laundry wait one more day?
~ Mellie ★