9 Months

Motherhood.

When I first saw that little line show up on the pregnancy test, 9 months felt like it was so far away.  But here we are, 37, almost 38 weeks later, and I don’t have any idea where the time went.  I had all these great plans for crocheting up a baby wardrobe and several baby blankets, and then I got so busy with resting up… homeschooling… life… and well, here I am with just a couple short weeks left and a whole pile of crafts half done. 

So much is different with this pregnancy than it was with those of my boys. There’s the obvious big gap in years and the maturity and wisdom (I hope) that comes with it. There’s also a little more peace of mind in knowing what to expect with a third child; so different from the panic and worries of a firstborn.  I had no experience whatsoever with babies and children when my eldest was born.  There was so much to learn.  And that time in my life coincided with some very drastic life events too – sickness and death in the family, significant job issues for loved ones, and the isolation that so often comes with new motherhood that hasn’t yet assembled any sort of tribe around her.

I’m so grateful that I was able to find so many like-minded women near me, who were (and are still!) able to hold my hand, walk me through the things that are new to me and experienced to them.  I count my blessings each time I am gifted with their wisdom, and their support during the hardest times of my life is immeasurable.  I learned more from them about birthing, motherhood and taking care of myself than I ever could have from any book or website.  They laughed with me, cried with me, and lifted me when I thought I couldn’t ever get up.  ­

Motherhood is not for the weak.  It’s full of struggles and questions, of worry and overwhelming love.  I’m thrilled for this opportunity to experience this journey all over again, this time, hopefully able to enjoy the little moments more. 

In the meantime, I’ve finally gotten to the point where I’m too big to comfortably nest much more.  Our home is (relatively) clean, I have freezer meals that I’ve prepared and put away for when I’m too tired to cook, and I have the basics ready for a newborn.  Now, I hope to spend the last of these quiet days amidst yarn and fabric, books, and my older children and patiently wait for this little one to decide to be born.